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Aire Waves
Leeds Canoe Club Blog. We paddle... lots!
Airewaves used to be Leeds Canoe Club's magazine letting people know what the club was upto. Its quite hard work pulling together a publication letting people know what the club is doing and publishing dates in advance is always hard as things tend to change. Step forth the blog.. Push button publishing for the masses. So here is the idea a few people in the club take it in turns to write up trips and talk about things in the club.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009Mr Anonymous swims
A new competitor has entered the race for swimmer of the year, Mr Anonymous (there's a picture of him below).
" It was those river trolls. They pushed me over, pulled my deck and pulled me out of my boat. Those trolls also put a spell on the other paddlers, paralyzing them, preventing them rescuing me. They could only watch, whilst I bounced down the second drop, before swimming to the side" said an anonymous swimmer.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009Dear Churchill
Churchill insuranceAccident Houseprobably in NorwichDear ChurchillWhere the fluff, does a duck get a solicitor? There is no way whiplash was even possible, that duck did not look both ways and possibly was drunk and is definitely a charlatan.The weir in question is more of trip hazard, than an actual drop and my chosen vehicle no longer had any forward momentum, in fact had the plaintiff claimed to have been squashed as my boat rolled very slowly over the ford, I may have had to conceed early.The main cause of the event was the ineffectiveness of a reversed high brace, due to the paddle hitting the ford and not any lack of ability as claimed. (reversed high brace may not be the correct wording here, its probably a jam or a wedgie in open boating terminology).Had the boat or paddle come in to contact with a duck, it would have been considerable flatter, I suggest that your customer is winging it.RegardsMartin(who swims less than the award winning Steve Henderson)
Re: last Sunday's Beginner's Trip (or: Paddling de Nile)
Hi All,
Following the Martin's recent blog entry, I feel that as chairman I should make the club's position clear on this sorry situation.
These problems first began a few years ago when Martin Thornton purported to have had a life-threatening encounter with a small vole. Now we all know that none but the most athletic water vole is likely to create enough of a bow-wave to upset a grown man, but at the time we were willing to suspend our disbelief. And Martin was certainly upset.
Things went largely quiet (apart from the odd hangnail - Airwaves August 31st 2005) until earlier this year, when during the Lakes Weekend, Martin bizarrely announced that he had been interfered with by a rock troll on the Duddon (Airwaves January 27th 2009). He even produced photographic evidence to support this wild allegation, which may have taken in more than a few of you at the time, but the photo has since been confirmed by experts from Kodak to be a very professional forgery. Suffice to say, the police have now dropped their enquiries, especially as the troll in question had a cast iron alibi - being out of the country at the time.
And now this latest incident - 'ducks who don't want to get their knees wet'! Well, something has obviously finally tipped Martin over the edge.
As Martin is now beginning to present a very real danger (and navigation hazard) to both himself and indeed other paddlers, I have taken it upon myself to arrange a consultation for him at the Yorkshire Centre for Paddling Disorders (based at the renowned Vesper Gate Clinic for the Terminally Knackered in Leeds). In order to not upset Martin unduly, I will tell him that it is a coach mentoring session - please back me up in this small white lie should Martin mention it to you.
Thank you for your continued patience in this matter.
Regards,
Steve Henderson, Chairman, Leeds Canoe Club
P.S. following informal discussion of the case with consultants at the YCPD, the experts believe that Martin is suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Swimming Syndrome, a rare but serious condition, possibly brought on by extreme swim envy when Martin subconsciously realised he was unable to compete with Your Chairman in the annual swim count. Everyone please observe Richard Gatehouse closely in the coming months in case a similar pattern of symptoms should manifest.
Monday, March 02, 2009Guiness book of recordsThe office under the worlds largest pint of GuinessGuiness brewery yardIrelandDear Mr McQuirterDon't believe a word that anyone says, my swim on Sunday can't be a new world record there must be a smaller weir some where in the world.Technically this isn't even a weir, more a crossing for ducks who don't want to get their knees wet and in my defence I was driving a 16ft Canadian at great speed (though not excessive), which jack knifed in an attempt to avoid one of the afore mentioned dry ducks, in fact it was more of selfless act of aquatic kindness than a swim from a tiny weir.I'm sure there are others more deserving of this accolade, I'll keep my eye out and let you know.RegardsMartin(if I don't put my second name, you'll never be able to trace me, ha ha ha)
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